5:07pm 03-03-2022
trill clinton :-O
mannnn ur entry abt breaking sobriety and it feeling like it had to happen... u speaking to my soul gurl. thank u for spilling ur guts on the internet and featuring on the song "marble phone" w yung lean. luv u 4ever (parasocially)
5:23pm 03-01-2022
love u love everything u create😳
9:21am 02-28-2022
gonna trip to bumpin bumpin next weekend
1:54pm 02-27-2022
Love this and SMILE.RIP stay dope
11:05pm 02-26-2022
love u mom. relaunch TOBM hoodies pls ? 🥺
5:25am 02-26-2022
Add me so we can play together ! Cold war ? Warzone ? Vangaurd ,?
8:58am 02-25-2022
Michael Rodriguez
I love you!!!!
12:49am 02-25-2022
Ellz 𖤐
I luv yuuuuuuu<3
2:02pm 02-22-2022
I hope your road trip is going well!

" I thought I could have a little Ketamine but, I AM NOT ALLOWED!" I have never had a good experience with Ketamine, I don't understand why people seemed into it tbh, but I gave it the "college try" as it were. The last time? After seeing someone I thought was a friend at Bondage a Go Go and buying him a beer, the night later wound up at his place with ketamine and youtube videos of whales. Somehow or another I wound up puking my guts out on the sidewalk and EMTs were called (by whom? I will never know). Still unable to utter anything in coherent English, I was injected with something, tossed in the back of their ambulance and eventually I came coherent enough I was able to compliment them on their uniforms as at least not being those of the police. Meanwhile, in the hospital I asked if I was free to go and a nurse told me she wanted a Dr. to check me out, I ripped off my wristband and walked out.

Later: a $3000 ambulance ride that went to debt collectors and took forever to pay off. I can't say it was my lowest moment, but it was definitely down there for sure. Should you ever cross paths with a William Lucas: go the opposite direction. That jerkface subsequently ghosted/unfriended me from everything without so much as an apology.

Once, someone gave me a small amount of Methoxetamine (MXE, etc.), which I guess is an analogue of Ketamine? Regardless, it was at least: not a terrible time. Supposedly it is 10X stronger than Ketamine though? I have no idea. My dad apparently once ate Sandoz vintage acid back when it was still legal and drove across the Bay Bridge. Meanwhile, my mom told me she was once so paranoid, she flushed a pound of weed down the toilet because she thought she was being raided. Suffice to say, I think my genetics may be a bit on the realm of predisposed to not tending to notice the effects of things very much relative to most people's thresholds? For the life of me, after repeated attempts, I still can't understand the appeal of MDMA either.

"bring no clothes and dress with the clothes we have to buy on the way" seems bold, though I realize after visiting the night market in Hong Kong, that it probably would have been easier, and about as inexpensive, to just fly there with nothing and buy clothing and baggage at the night market. Perhaps there are other situations which are similar?
7:13pm 02-20-2022
Moye Sokrovishche,

I stumbled across the site earlier, along with your diary. I then read every entry... couldn't stop before finishing at 2/17. It genuinely resonated with me...
'Genuinely' is actually a huge understatement. See, I'm now in my 3rd year of Recovery; most of the 20 years prior almost without a sober day. I'd managed 3 or 4 good stretches, but none longer than 6 months. So by 2019, my life had become a heartbreaking meta-reality... Me watching my only boy watch his Dad begin to lose the fight with Alcoholism.
It's a tale too long and personal for this forum; of experience generally helpful and encouraging to addicts. Some of it, though, involves Knowledge realized Mentally, as opposed to experientially. This I ultimately had to win for myself; no doctor had it or was even looking very hard.
Turns out, no-one else was asking my questions or hoping for their answers. I'd resigned to there being no interest in sharing that Knowledge... up 'til earlier today.
Matter of fact, I'm highly confident you *would* be interested... and benefit almost immediately... Because you ARE asking my questions. In such regards as the difficulty plotting a new Life Course, your Grandmother, the nature of your Panic Attacks which make you wonder if other purported 'sufferers' are even talking apples to apples, feeling alone in sensing the acceleration of Society towards a cliff, etc...
I fought tooth and nail for my own necessary Insight, because of its indirect yet tremendous difference in my Boy's life. The utter indifference at my accounts of Odyssey, and those secrets so made revealed... a slight bummer, especially coming from family. Yet compared to my Son's emotional wellbeing, 'bummer' is an absurd bargain. And considering current American values, pretty absurd that I ever had better expectation.
Still, one question I couldn't answer: Why would I be put through the whole ordeal at all, with its intricate synchronicities, if not in service to more than 2 lives? All I need now, in order to definitively rule that *I would not have*, is an email.
So, if you're intrigued, please do use that gmail address which should be attached. No attached strings, no ulterior motives. I'd feel more than rewarded just to discover that someone else on Earth cares.

Your Friend,

PS in case the road trip is underway, and you're reading this on hotel Wifi, I have just a bit of incentive to resist putting off any reply for once you're back home. 20 minutes or so in connection might avert Jan 31 deja vu, or a horribly timed panic attack
12:01pm 02-19-2022
love the blog i've been a fan since gucci gucci i love summertime i love ur mixes i love a lotta things i'm just happy ur still at it like u continue 2 evolve ur not stuck on a single thing u never have been u just keep growing (life under construction bb) sending u love
12:26am 02-19-2022
Pls pls plssss teach me how to code and make my own site. I want a blog but tumblr is obsolete and Instagram makes me hella depressed. I just really need a safe space right now.
12:14am 02-19-2022
Looove your site. Super cool aesthetic
Fellow mommi, protect yourself from other people’s issues/negativity it’s not your responsibility to resolve everything. It’s ok to set boundaries. Hope you are having a good weekend
6:19pm 02-18-2022
2:40pm 02-18-2022
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