1:37pm 07-02-2022
I’ve loved you since forever I even sent you a message on twitter, in 2015 you didn’t respond but you followed me back. Best day ever. I’m working on my mental health right now just quit drinking and now on my my next step to trying to get healthier. I believe that will definitely help with my depression and anxiety. One step at a time, we are all different but for me I believe it helps to focus on one step at a time like a checklist so it’s not so overwhelming. Hope all is well!!
5:08pm 06-30-2022
Oh Kreayshawn,

Where has the time gone?

Do you have some time for some trite rhymes, or maybe a song?

Immortal Technique's tune "Natural Beauty"?

Has some deep wisdom in its lyrics, if you listen, though this video has them transcribed if you can more than hear and English see:

The diet industry?

Was around $79 billion in the USA, just in 2019, rather recently.

So please, tread lightly.

Vested monied interests are working against you, and me.

Wanting us to look into mirrors and see obscenity.

When we should be more mindful on how to be healthy!

Going to the gym.

May seem like a win?

I got a membership to shower, not to stay thin.

Though I am homeless, I at least stay clean.

But many others are focused on building muscles or keeping lean.

I work out a bit too.

But please don't misconstrue.

I don't have six pack abs nor veins hiding if I wore underoos.

At first even 90 seconds on the elliptical left me winded and panting.

Now I can do 30 minutes without ranting.

I've added in the resistance training machines too.

But though I end up sweating, I am not black and blue.

Still, months later, and I do not have much to show for it.

Not to suggest that I am about to quit.

Even the Gospel of HipHop recommends fasting once a week.

But is that a dietary recommendation? That seems kind of bleak.

I think that is focused on the idea of contemplating spirituality.

When we, as humans, are caught up in this corporeality.

Regardless, when it comes to so-called eating disorders.

They are not uncommon, even outside of America's borders.

One ex-gf mentioned to me how "Thinspo" was triggering to her.

My older sister would talk about the struggles of anorexia and bulimia but memories of her are mostly an abusive blur.

Even my daughter.

In her teens seemed to struggle a bit with eating for sure.

So, this plight?

For many is an ongoing fight.

When I entered first grade I would get so nervous I couldn't stomach breakfast.

By the time lunch time rolled around you would think that would have passed?

Alas, no, but when I got back home I would gorge and binge eat.

White bread sandwiches, filled with mayonnaise and cheap luncheon meat.

It use to be, that I was so thin I could reach under my rib cage and wiggle my ribs.

But, my body switched to "feast or famine" mode and I started putting on pounds like the rolls of fat on a baby still wearing bibs.

I went to being bullied for being too fat.

Even earlier this year I still caught wind of some of that.

So, the struggles are ongoing, even though I no longer eat meat.

I am vegan and would rather have a turnip or beat.

But that is because I also somehow accrued a lot of karmic debt.

As I wander through the bardo/limbo rings of hell and hungry ghosts and am full of regret.

The best I can do is never enough for others nor me.

But I still seem to breathe incarnation after incarnation hating existence, let alone co-existence that would dictate a "we".

The Buddha was right insomuch as "Life is suffering" it seems.

But is there really a way to escape the wheel of samsara? Please.

Even those who have healthy eating habits and work out every day.

Find their weight going up, and many are filled with dismay.

You see, muscle is denser than fatty tissue.

So as you become stronger and healthier, that may still be an issue.

If you are fixated on the weigh of a scale.

Listen to Physics, it has another tale:

In any given universe, mass is constant, but weight fluctuates relative to gravitational wells.

In other words, on the moon, the scale will show you weighing less.

Whereas on Jupiter, the scale will show you weighing more, what a mess!

Mass, measured in grams and kilograms, not ounces and pounds.

Is more of a constant, if you're struggling with Imperial confounds.

I hope these rhymes maybe shed some light?

On your plight.

Know that the deceptions of weight are challenges many others have struggled with too.

Some have lost such battles, and the industries which perpetuated such deaths we should all rue.

Yet in spiritual warfare, seek the truth.

If possible, deliver it with kindness only when necessary.

Lest you upset those who are resting pleasantly.

Since you asked, I figured I would respond in kind.

I apologize if this is a rather crude rhyme.
12:56am 06-30-2022
Hey Shawty!

Sooo, mental health is a bitch. I feel like it’s usually the core source and I kind of have to conform to what’s going on up in my head. I’m 5 and a half years sober. Used to smoke drink and hit the pookie. And also take any free drug under the sun. I work a solid 12 step program but since I got sober is when the depression, anxiety, and adhd came into full frontal effect. I tried a couple of depression meds after talking with my psychiatrist once every couple months. Zoloft didn’t do shit for me and made me
Anxiety go balls to the wall so now I’m on Wellbutrin coupled with prozac for the anxiety. I feel like i got undiagnosed adhd too tho. My life is a mess and I can only do one task at a time because everyday life just overwhelms me. Reading about what you’re going through I can relate, I also have an u healthy relationship with food but I eat cuz i want to immediately feel better and since I got sober I gained at least 60 pounds. Id say try talking to your psychiatrist about switching your meds up. Zoloft isn’t the only thing out there and if you’re still experiencing other mental health problems, especially when it comes to nausea towards food or no appetite..the drugs usually play a big role in it. My suggestion may sound basic af and typical af like.. Talk to your doctor But..I really feel that’s usually the case with myself. Like bro i fried my fucking brain for years! Since I was 12 was smoking and drinking 40s and started doing coke at 14 and grduated to ecstacy at 16 then meth at 18. I know my brain is out of whack no matter how many years sober I am or how hard I work the steps. I strive to find a somewhat chill balance of mental health medication (non narcotic of course) so my brain can cope with life. Overstimulation and also I am a mom of an 8 year old so its easy to just go mom mode. But I gotta be okay too man. Can’t just check out nomore. Maybe this is a rant, or maybe I said something that can help? Either way, love ya. I got fire meetings i go to in LA if you ever wanna join. Xoxo -Trina
10:36pm 06-28-2022
I love your feet kreay
5:27pm 06-28-2022
kr3ayshawn rules >~< ^_^
4:29pm 06-28-2022
Smoke weed.
1:05pm 06-28-2022
I enjoy your Rust gameplay
1:03pm 06-28-2022
Love you bitch
8:13pm 06-27-2022
this is the best thing i've come across online since 1998.
3:48pm 06-27-2022
stunning site!! i wanna code code code my gf says hi
12:42am 06-27-2022
Kenneth earl
You are absolutely beautiful. 🥰🥰😍😍😍🙏🙏
7:24pm 06-26-2022
Miles Owens
Hello your site is great. I love you and your music if you wanna make some more hit this email or @djtlmo on Instagram and we can make something happen.
10:36pm 06-25-2022
1:42am 06-25-2022
Not too sure what to write about COVID and needing help, but at least your mom was able to help? Health stuff is rough. Sometimes I just think to myself, “at least I have my health” but that sort of ignores my mental health, or other chronic physical ailments and ongoing pain? Ah well, not to gaslight the younger generation but I think some people place too much emphasis on “you’re making me uncomfortable” as if I wasn’t enduring pain and hardships constantly, what privilege it is to mandate comfort. Even the Buddha proclaimed that “life is suffering.”

Still, I’ve got to be grateful for some things. Some dude rear ended me on 880S near Alameda earlier today, but since it was stop and go traffic he was going so slow it doesn’t look like there is damage to my car. Phew! I took his insurance and license info anyway but the last thing I want to deal with is more bureaucratic BS.

I’m not too sure what to say about rebranding either. Other than: many musicians I enjoy have *multiple* projects. Sure, you’re probably painfully aware of Lil Debbie also collaborated as GRLZ, and Capozzi and even with Barong Family/Yellow Claw. However, look at someone like Bill Leeb: he collaborated on Skinny Puppy, Frontline Assembly, Noise Unit, Cyberaktif, Delerium and I’m probably even forgetting some other project names. Use Schmidt I won’t even get started on how many nyms that producer has had beyond Atom Heart, Lassigue Bendthaus, datacide, Señor Coconut, Stereo Nerds, just to point you in the right direction.

The sentiment you expressed reminded me a bit of the lyrics to “No 1.” by die Antwoord, who I know, are apparently cancelled due to how Ninja assaulted Zheani I guess? Still, that idea of being able to just be somewhere and be unbothered resonates.

Maybe because I’m homeless or maybe because I’m just a beginning student of Nyigma Buddhism, or maybe because in decades, no meditation techniques nor discipline has ever brought me the inner peace purportedly that such exercises bring about, but I kind of think that “life is suffering” and there’s no real answer beyond that.

Maybe there are brief respites or lies we tell ourselves?

Most of it seems pretty awful most of the time, with escapism and placebos and spiritual bypassing, and ever so rarely actually decent and fun people who can elevate others, maybe.


Your music has been pretty uplifting, for me on occasion, at least. Thanks for that. I’m not sure how I can repay you except in expressing gratitude.
9:53pm 06-24-2022
KREAYSHAWN, I will design you a skate deck and send it to you @lxzga
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